Be my valentine, catch me if you can!
Every Pagan festival on the Wheel of the Year fell victim to Christian consumerism. Imbolc, the early February four-day ritual celebration has different names in nature loving earthling communities today. It is purification time before the fertility and copulation festival during the Oestara, the Spring Equinox.
The Goddess, after giving birth to the Light God at Yule the Winter Solstice, her health is restored, her body purified and she becomes a bride again.
In my childhood, in the South of Hungary there was a celebration where the bride was made out of corn, dressed in white (it is the reason behind the white bridal dress); laid into a fluffy, comfortable, hand woven and sewn bed, in a beautifully crafted basket. A group of elders carried her from house to house. It was a great honour to have the Goddess in one’s house for she was the symbol of clear mind, readiness for the future and growth, both material and spiritual. After the day long walk an acorn tipped wand was placed next to her in the bed as a phallic symbol, representing the groom, the God. The basket was covered, and the women of the village stayed with them until sunrise when the celebration started.
That is why Saint Valentine was put on this particular day.
Presently there are three similarly named saints in the directory of Vatican and it has not been decided which one of them is behind the popular commercial illusion called Valentine’s Day. There is one, most likely to be the choice. He was a priest of Vatican, the central body of the Roman Catholic Church, who performed marriages for people who were prohibited to get into matrimony by the Church. He was caught and suffered the death penalty for his bold act. However before his death he healed the daughter of the prison’s ward and send her a letter signed YOUR VALENTINE. There was nothing romantic in the letter though.
Let me talk about this business a bit because it bothers me. A priest supposed to be a servant of his chosen church. He is there as the representative of the man-made rules, according to which the belief system works. He clearly did not believe in certain rules for he was performing acts not permitted by his BOSS. My question is: why didn’t he leave the Church? Why did he think that he was a true representation of the Body? If he wasn’t a true agent, because he wasn’t, why was it important to people that he performed some kind of ceremony for them? A work of a non-agent doesn’t get to the BOSS. Anyhow the Church punished him for ignoring rules he should have obeyed. However few hundred years later they gave him the Saint-hood and since then they have been using him for attracting people and boosting consumerism.
Does this behaviour pattern sound familiar to you? That is how people live and convince themselves of their own good and nobleness. Think about it!
The vast majority of the population supposed to belong to one of the major belief systems. They go to church, synagogue, mosque, temple, whatever you call the building, it doesn’t really make much difference; they even chant certain mantras but very few of them really understand the essence of it all. They pick rules they like and find easy to follow or which serve their own interest. And as the result they like to force those rules on others.
The funny thing is that men and women seem to select the same rules! A woman has to live up to many double standards put on her by men. Such as monogamous relationship, motherhood, let the men do what they want, do not get into important issues and so on. Looking at my practice experience, I have to tell you that these are the actual aims most women have for the future! Of course they always complain, but they still want them.
I am talking about this situation because it is the core of a relationship. I have certain ideas of right and wrong and you have others, naturally. And we are both right, for that is what we picked out of the bowl. And we pick out of the bowl the rules we find the easiest to follow. The rules which talk to our personality. This way we distort the belief system. By doing it, we actually stopped belonging to it, although we do not understand it and might not want to become an outsider. We created our own set of rules. We can call it anything. Let’s call it my individual understanding of the world religion.
I mentioned it earlier that we tempt to choose very similar rules. If you think about it, as the result, we could live happily ever after. However, it is far from reality because the two basic genders interpret the rules differently. This difference is in their understanding and relation to sex and sexuality. And this difference is permanent or we could say genetic.
It comes from the brain. The sexual centre in the brain of a female is near the hearing centre while that of the male is near the seeing centre. The sexual centre is where arousal, sexual desire, lust and sensuality derive from.
What is the difference between the two viewpoints?
The organ of seeing is the eye. It doesn’t perceive the reality, whatever the reality is, but catches the rays of light mirrors back from the object. According to the owners emotional development the focus would go to certain places, usually the edges, bumps and curves, but remains on the surface. He will need the help of other senses to penetrate the top layer. It usually doesn’t happen or takes quite a while.
On the other hand, the organ of hearing is the ear. It picks out certain keywords subconsciously given to by the owner. These words are stored, recalled and analysed over a certain period of time. Sometimes for years they have been kept and recalled whenever the owner needs them to prove a point.
The difference in attitude shows in the timing of romance. Males are hunter by nature and they want to tease their prey to achieve the best climax of events. However females only see the white dress and the live happily ever after. They want to rush through the foreplay and see the result of their conquest.
Our perception of relationships is hugely formed by the mass media. Fairy tales from countries influenced by Christianity are talking about sufferings, trials, adventurous battles leading to the ecstasy of inseparable togetherness crowned by a marriage ceremony reassuring the reader that they lived happily ever after. In addition, the same religion provides ceremonies, like the first communion, when young girls have the opportunity to sample the feeling associated with the white bridal dress. It has been chiselled into their mind that life is about growing up and becoming a mother. Nobody talks about the road being more important than the aim itself. That one needs to study the Self first, appreciate, that joyful parenthood is the result of a satisfied love life and a respectful couplehood. That bearing children is not Life itself but a choice to embrace as a part of it.
As an internationally experienced family and relationship counsellor I arrived to the conclusion that there are very few relationships exist where all participants are happy. I am not saying that it is impossible, only stating that happiness comes from within and it should not be reduced to floating illusion or the presence of something or someone. It is a state of mind when clear vision of existence prevails and brings satisfactory living conditions. It is all in the mind. However the content of the mind is the result of information and experience; in one word Knowledge.
Apart from the material value, the 14th of February brings momentary joy to some and great heartache to others. It is very naïve to think that the I love you or the Be my Valentine uttered on this particular day would enhance or save any relationship from the inevitable. Others might experience greater insecurity and less value if there is nobody to buy them a gift.
Why do we need to put a commercial value on our relationships? The answer is insecurity. Where does the insecurity come from? It comes from lack of knowledge and understanding. What is it we do not understand? Each other. Why not? Because we fail to see that everybody is different and everybody is right. We are not strong enough to see events from the other person’s point of view. Above all, we do not know ourselves. To keep our comfort zone we set out to lure the prospective partner into it without paying attention to the damage the move might cause in the emotional state of the chosen one.
Look at the sexual harassment boom! What does it say? It says that we are insecure. It says that we are weak. It says that we do not carry responsibilities of our deeds. None of the big names were forced into anything! They were lured into something. Yes! But come on! Where do you draw the line of mutual consent and hunting? None of them ran away and left the career behind! Why do they need to be rescued? Why women need to be rescued all the time? Because they are insecure. And that is why they are waiting for Valentine day to receive a card and gifts with it and do something romantic to feel the breeze of forever.
Unfortunately this movement took everything away from us. All the flirting, looking and talking… How do we meet anybody in this place if everything is forbidden?
Just as a curiosity I take you on a journey. In Ancient Egypt, where the Knowledge was preserved for humanity, every symbol had great meaning. The Eye of Horus represented the relationship between senses. In this example I am going to use the original Egyptian measurement mostly because it is in alignment with the measures of the Universe.
The eye has 6 doors. Doors, where impulses and information come and go. That is why we say that the eye is the mirror of the soul. It is the symbol of the winged Sun and depicts the total Sun eclipse.
To understand it we need to establish that everything is energy for everything is consciousness.
The whole eye is 1 hequat and that is 320 ro. It is symbolized with a mouth for it is a bite.
- We put the twig into the ground. It is like growing vegetables. The twig has a connection with Earth and earth would symbolize touching. Out of the 320 ro, touching would take up 5. That is 1/64th of the whole.
- The curved line would symbolize the wheat when it is budding. The wheat is the food we put into our mouth. It is the taste. Taste is actually touch and forms, meaning that we taste by touching different forms. So as you can see the tasting is more important than touching. It takes up 10 ro, 1/32nd of the whole.
- The left corner of the eye is the nearest to the ear. It has the shape of a horn. Through it we would taste the sound and touch it. Therefore hearing is the sum of touching and tasting. It is 20 ro and 1/16th of the whole.
- We do not actually talk about thoughts as one of the senses, however they are very important. The long line above the eye would represent the thoughts for we use our eyebrow to mirror them. So thoughts are the sum of touching, tasting and hearing. The thought is a silent voice. It is 40 ro and 1/8th of the whole.
- The next is seeing. The circle in the middle would represent the actual eye. Seeing is the sum of tasting, touching, hearing and thinking. It is 80 ro and takes up 1/4th of the whole. The horizon has no ends just like the circle. Do not forget, the circle is a 2 dimensional spiral. The circle is a limited spiral with boundaries we create.
- The smelling is symbolized by the equilateral triangle nearest the nose. It depicts the microcosm, meaning the whole humanity therefore it is all the senses we have mentioned combined. 160 ro and takes up ½ of the whole.
The way of understanding senses are immensely important in relationships. In the consumerist society we rely upon our eyes greatly. However, if eye is only used to take in the false illusion mirrored back to the brain from surface of the subject or object, disappointment sets in.
Live in the present